What my Mom taught me.
All the things my mother taught me:My mom taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"My mother taught me RELIGION -"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL:"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"My mother taught me LOGIC:"Because I said so, that's why."My mother taught me FORESIGHT -"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."My mother taught me IRONY -"Keep laughing and I'll *give* you something to cry out."My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -"Will you *look* at the dirt on the back of your neck!"My mother taught me about STAMINA -"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."My mother taught me about WEATHER -"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!"My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -Stop acting like your father!"My mother taught me about ENVY -"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

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